there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
