Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
