yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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