Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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