I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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