There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
