you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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