Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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