you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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