Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
