yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sponge bath it is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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