We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
