Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
