Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
