Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
