butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
