You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
