i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
