Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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