I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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