I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
