I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
