i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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