I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
