Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
