i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
