So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
