i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
