Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
