MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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