My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
