yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
is it fun? or sober?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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