capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
