Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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