my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
