Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
