The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize