i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
