I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
