I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
