I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
