Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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