eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
