im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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