i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
