good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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