Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
