My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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