Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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