Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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