My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
