My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize