it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
