sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
