do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
