At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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