I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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