Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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