I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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