Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
