how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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