Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
