I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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