Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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