ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
