..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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