A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
