youre lurking in front of me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
