stop calling my apartment porn island.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
