Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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